This Week in Old

– Bernie Madoff is miffed that he spent all his stamps on that jar of toilet wine for nothing. (Gawker)

– “Precious Moments” figurines will always be the safest investment in Boca Raton. (CNN)

– Barbara Walters was only joking when she told Brian Williams that he’s feasting on her table scraps. (New York Post)

– Even Pat Roberston wants to tone down sentencing for marijuana possession. (Los Angeles Times)

– Billy the Kid may soon be just another fine, upstanding, law-abiding citizen. (Reuters)

– “Yes, Virginia’s great-great-granddaughter, there is still a Santa Claus.” (New York Times)